A terrorist group has taken tourists as hostages, and two agents are sent to free them. And one of them is a Japanese ninja!
Nine Deaths of the Ninja is regarded to be one of the strangest movies from the 80s with the word ninja in the title. This feels like a confused action comedy that channels Jackie Chan and James Bond. Just look at the weird opening title sequence, which is one of the poorest imitations of a James Bond opening title sequence ever made. Women are dancing, and Sho Kosugi is playing with his sword. It will make your mind melt, but that is just the beginning. Oh yeah, this movie has a lot of weird fish on the menu!
This is an ugly-looking movie with a lot of ugly weirdos. The terrorists have fallen from the ugly tree and hit every branch on their way down. Especially the woman looks like she has woken up from the dead after dying of a crack overdose. My eyes were bleeding every time she was on the screen. And then we have the leader of the terrorists who channels Stephen Hawking and Bobcat Goldthwait when he played in the Police Academy movies. Where did they find these weirdos? Look at them!
The best and most known scene in the movie is when Sho Kosugi fights four little people, and it doesn’t make any sense at all. The whole movie doesn’t make any sense. But at least the scene, when they go after his testicles, is funny. Sho Kosugi’s partner also smiles and does nothing when the ninja from Japan is attacked by the members of The Little Brothers.
If you like ninja movies, this is not the movie you should watch. Yes, Sho Kosugi is, of course, a ninja, and we visit his past where we see him train to become a ninja chopping watermelons.
His white partner is pretty useless. He just stands there smiling and shaking his head when Sho Kosugi shows us his mediocre martial arts skills. He tries to be cool toward the end with a big, ugly weapon that you only find in movies from the 80s. But he’s white, and his big interest is sleeping with women. He’s a lazy sidekick.
If you want to torture yourself with a Japanese ninja who tries to be charming like Jackie Chan, this isn’t a movie you should watch. The funny thing is that a voice actor who has a really deep American accent dubs him, and you just have to laugh when he speaks. The voice and the actor are so mismatched.
Nine Deaths of the Ninja is a weird movie. Scene after scene makes little sense, and the pacing is awful. The scenes with the terrorists and especially the leader have nothing to offer. It’s like they didn’t have a script when they made the movie. So be prepared to suffer a lot and cry.
Nine Deaths of the Ninja tries to be a charming action movie. But it’s not that charming to see a terrorist trying to have some quality time with a hostage, and Sho Kosugi’s son, Kane Kosugi, is saving her. He’s laughing and having fun! What is this fish? He’s at least a better actor than his goofy father.
The movie has also an Asian racist, and I loved that guy. He doesn’t like Americans, and man, that man is a racist. I wish that crazy guy could have gotten more screen time. His character is pure genius.
Thank God that the ninja king, Sho Kosugi, didn’t get many chances after the 80s. I liked him when I was a stupid kid, but I was a stupid kid! I loved ninjas, and Sho Kosugi was a badass when you didn’t know better because of a missing brain. Now I see how terrible he was, and I have started to hate him, even though I love Revenge of the Ninja. That movie is a fantastic ninja movie!