A former UFC fighter starts working as a bouncer, but not everyone in town is happy that he’s there. The man running the town tries to get rid of him with the help of his goons and an Irish leprechaun who has shat himself.
Road House is a remake of the classic Road House from 1989, where we found Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliott, and Kelly Preston in the lead roles. I have, of course, watched the original movie a lot of times, and you know that we never needed a modern remake starring Jake Gyllenhaal. I like him as an actor, so it’s not his fault that this movie is pretty bad. It doesn’t have the charm of the original movie, but it tries to create its own charm with a lot of humor. The movie goes from a light tone to a more serious tone and then turns into a stupid, over-the-top action movie. It doesn’t manage to create the same atmosphere in the so-called bar that you found in the original movie, and it doesn’t have hot women—which doesn’t come as a surprise in the sick times we live in, where bearded women believe they are real women.
The protagonist is a depressed man because of something that happened in his past when he fought a man in the ring. He always has a smile to share with the world, and he doesn’t take things seriously because of his depression. So it’s okay to stab him because he’s so depressed he won’t notice it. But don’t make him angry! He is running away from his demons, so don’t make him angry!
When he gets a new job, he shows the goons working for the evil man who runs this shit town who the new boss is if they try to create trouble in the bar he’s working at. But the evil boss of the goons has plans for the property where the bar is, and the bouncer stands in his way, or something like that.
To get rid of him, the boss’s father sends an Irish, ugly leprechaun played by the idiot Conor McGregor. As usual, this idiot is really irritating, and the man can’t act. He walks around like he’s taken a dump in his boxers, and he looks puffed up in the face like a walking bobblehead—probably because of his alcohol and steroid abuse. He looks like shit, and I don’t understand why they hired him as the protagonist’s main antagonist.
Towards the end, the movie loses control. It offers John Woo-style action scenes where some characters should have died after flying 15 meters into the air but survived to make the day worse for the protagonist. You could say I missed the more focused original movie that understood what kind of movie it was. This remake doesn’t understand that. There’s not a lot of fighting in the bar with the bouncers, and of course, the legendary scene with Patrick Swayze ripping out the antagonist’s throat is nowhere to be found. Instead, he just punches a man and lets him drown. Oh, so exciting. Not!
The actors don’t have any chemistry. The women are, for the most part, not good-looking. The people around the protagonist who are supposed to be his friends have no character depth or personality to speak of, and there are no hot sex scenes in the movie. Where is Kelly Preston when you need her? The love interest of the protagonist in this movie is just useless and not hot, and Jake Gyllenhaal and the actress have no chemistry at all.
If you love the original movie and the atmosphere created by the chemistry between the actors, you won’t find any of that here. What you’ll find is Jake Gyllenhaal walking around like a half-demon zombie, beating up some bad guys, and not getting laid. So, of course, you have to skip this movie.